You Have No Idea What You're Doing To Me
by naxmachine
Summary: What turns Aubrey, Beca and Chloe on? Fifteen chapters of the weirdest things that get these ladies worked up. Established Triple Treble/ABC with a lot of Bechloe and Mitchsen moments.
1. Beca: Français

**Hey guys! I was getting a little burned out with my other uber-serious multichapter, so I decided to start this to let off some steam. **

I have to admit: Triple Treble is growing on me. So this will be a collection of one-shots narrating stuff that turns on Beca, Aubrey and Chloe individually. Not all scenes involve the three of them. And so this goes out to Mitchsen and Bechloe fans too. *wink wink*

Expect this to be pure crack fic, though I can't promise smut as of the moment. Rated T as of the moment for suggestive things.

**Used Google Translate for this one, so if something seems a little off, feel free to tell me and we'll fix it. R&R and enjoy reading!**

* * *

Beca had just taken off her boots at the doorway when she heard an angry voice from the living room.

"_Non, je ne suis pas venue à la maison. C'est finale!"_ While unsure about the language, the frustrated huff told Beca that the speaker was Aubrey. Chloe stomped her foot when she was annoyed.

But wait, her Aubrey spoke a foreign language?

"Oh, Papa will be fine. He told me, in no uncertain terms, not to show my face in there ever again. _Ce n'est pas quelque chose que je peux facilement oublier._ Yes, yes, I am eating well. Don't worry about me, Mama."

Beca proceeded to the living room. Sure enough, there was Aubrey, pacing like a caged lion while holding her phone to her ear. She looked up, saw Beca, and shook her head. Beca hugged her from behind and kissed the back of her neck. To say the blonde was tense was an understatement.

_"Non, non_, Mama. _Bien sûr, vous pouvez garder m'appeler,"_ Aubrey spoke into the phone. She listened some more, and nodded. _"S'il vous plaît prendre soin de vous. Au revoir."_ She tossed the phone on the couch and turned to Beca. "Hey, babe."

"Hey," Beca answered back, settling on the couch and pulling Aubrey onto her lap. "You okay?"

Aubrey closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yes. My mom was nagging me to come to another family reunion. I don't want to talk about it right now. Can we change the topic?"

Beca shrugged. "Right. Three...two...one...change topic. You speak French?!"

Aubrey smiled for the first time since she finished her phone call. "Beca, I'm from Vermont. You can't expect to live there and not pick up your neighbors' language. And my mom's from Quebec."

"I know that, but...Oh, _god. _Can you get even more perfect, Bree?"

"Don't let Chloe hear you say that, she'll be jealous."

"Psh, Chloe knows she's awesome. Do you have something else to confess?"

Chuckling, Aubrey tucked a strand of brown hair behind the DJ's ear. "I'm a bad girl, please spank me?"

Beca rolled her eyes. "We all know that. I mean, are you a super spy or something?"

Aubrey only gave her a light kiss on the nose. "_Oh merde, vous gâché ma couverture."_

"Dude, no!" Beca laughed, dumping Aubrey beside her on the couch. "Don't say another word in French, Posen. You have no idea what it's doing to me."

Beca's gray-blue eyes were considerably darker, and Aubrey saw her chance to tease her girlfriend. She crawled into Beca's lap, straddling her and cupping her face. _"Qu'allez-vous faire à ce sujet?"_ she whispered right into the brunette's ear before nibbling her earlobe, and she almost cackled when Beca gulped audibly.

"Fuck, Bree. You're a tease! Does this drive Chloe crazy too?"

"Trust me, Chloe's turn-ons are way, _way _different than yours." Aubrey pulled back and winked, and Beca squirmed at the thought of their other girlfriend being seduced by the blonde. Aubrey immediately noted the change in Beca's breathing, and her smile became even more predatory.

"I mean it, woman. Not another word. We still have to make dinner for Red."

"Oh, this is the best dinner we could ever serve Chloe." Aubrey planted kisses down the side of Beca's throat. "_Baise-moi_."

Beca didn't have to know French to understand that one. In one swift movement, she gathered Aubrey in her arms and pinned her back on the couch.

* * *

"_Non, je ne suis pas venue à la maison. C'est finale!"_ No, I am not coming home. That's final!

_"Ce n'est pas quelque chose que je peux facilement oublier."_ This is not something that I can easily forget.

_"Non, non, Mama. Bien sûr, vous pouvez garder m'appeler."_ No, no, Mama. Of course you can keep calling me.

_"S'il vous plaît prendre soin de vous. Au revoir."_ Please take care of yourself. Goodbye.

"_Oh merde, vous gâché ma couverture." _Oh shit, you blew my cover.

_"Qu'allez-vous faire à ce sujet?"_ What are you going to do about it?

"_Baise-moi_." Fuck me.


	2. Chloe: Music

**I have a feeling you'll love this one.**

* * *

There's no point trying to hide the fact that Chloe's turned on by music.

She fell in love with Beca the moment she heard her sing in the shower. And she became sure she loves Aubrey when the blonde started humming - of all the songs in the world - _Food, Glorious Food _from _Oliver_ while driving home from a party during freshman year.

So it took all of her strength not to leap at the stage and kiss Beca right then and there. Beca's manager finally convinced Beca to have a one-man concert, predicting everyone will love her, and she couldn't be more right. The tickets to the DJ's concert were sold out within three days.

Of course, Aubrey and Chloe had VIP seats right in front. They applauded madly along with the rest of the audience when Beca finished singing one of her more upbeat compositions. Chloe couldn't keep from fidgeting in her seat.

"Jesus, Chlo," Aubrey said sternly, slapping her bare thigh. "Keep it together."

"You know you can't wait to be all over her too, you're just better at hiding it!" Chloe growled, adjusting her dress. Aubrey only smiled at her girlfriend and took her hand to calm her down.

Onstage, Beca was thanking people for coming, and called up those who made the concert possible. Included in the people who went up the stage were Cynthia Rose, who helped write some tracks; Jesse, who worked with Beca for the musical arrangements; and her manager, Diane.

Just then Beca announced that they were down to the last song of the evening. The crowd booed, obviously not wanting the concert to end, and Beca only laughed.

"I cannot end my very first concert without acknowledging the ladies who have encouraged me to continue doing this in the first place. Because of that, I'll be singing a very special song. The very first one I have ever sung to my girlfriends."

Beca looked at Aubrey and Chloe fondly and the audience went wild, while the huge LED screen beside the stage showed the two's pleased reactions. "When I met them I wasn't exactly charming –" Aubrey laughed because she remembered how Beca recoiled when she called her a bitch – "but, you know, this song kind of changed my awful first impression. I hope you enjoy it as much as they will."

And just like that, Beca winked at Chloe and Aubrey and plopped down cross-legged on the stage right in front of the two. Backup dancers came in and mimicked her pose on a line behind her. The crowd didn't quite know what to expect, until Beca and the dancers pulled yellow plastic cups out of nowhere and began tapping it on a complicated rhythm on the floor. Beca started singing. Everyone's faces were rapt with attention and the whole stadium fell quiet except for her music.

_I got my ticket for the long way 'round  
Two bottles whiskey for the way  
And I sure would like some sweet company  
And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?_

Then the sound of acoustic guitars and bongos suddenly rose from the orchestra. Beca stood up, took one of the guitars from the musicians, and started plucking. The sound was nothing short of heavenly.

_When I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me by my hair  
You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

"Chloe?" Aubrey inquired in a strangled voice.

"What?" The redhead was transfixed, staring at the brunette onstage like she was the Second Coming or something.

"Please don't break my hand; I still need it to write legal briefs and equally-mind blowing documents."

Chloe looked down and realized she was crushing Aubrey's hand in her own. "Shit, babe! Sorry!"

"No worries," Aubrey assured, massaging her hand and giving Chloe a light kiss on the cheek. "I'll leave you to watch Munchkin in peace."

Onstage, Beca had traded the guitar for a keytar. Seeing the new instrument, everyone cheered wildly.

_I've got my ticket for the long way 'round  
The one with the prettiest of views  
It's got mountains, it's got rivers, it's got sights to give you shivers  
But it sure would be prettier with you_

By the time Beca ran to the center of the stage and sat to play drums, the crowd was insane – especially Chloe, whose hand was firmly clutching Aubrey's arm. Aubrey tried not to tell Chloe off and distracted herself instead by cheering.

_When I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me by my walk  
You're gonna miss me by my talk, oh  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

Beca stood up as the dancers did some pretty complicated choreography for the instrumental part. "Alright, what else do you guys want to see me play?"

The crowd yelled out several suggestions, but Beca took a microphone, went down the stage and maneuvered through the people wrangling to touch her until she reached her girlfriends' seats.

"Violin!" Chloe shouted breathlessly into the microphone. Everyone clapped at the answer.

"Saxophone!" Aubrey said a little less forcefully than Chloe, but with a wide grin on her face. At this, the clapping only got louder.

"Your wish is my command!" Beca climbed the stage, took a saxophone, and the melodious strains she drew out in tune with the instrumental practically ruined Chloe's panties. She rocked herself back and forth and put on her most innocent face, hiding the fact that she was rubbing her pussy on her chair. It helped that the VIP seats in Staples Center were spacious.

Aubrey put a hand on Chloe's thigh, trying to get her to stay still. "Chloe Beale, you're not trying to get yourself off in public, are you?"

"What? No!"

Aubrey rolled her eyes. "I can't imagine what you'd do the moment Beca plays the violin."

The moment Beca played the violin, Aubrey knew. Chloe took Aubrey's hand up to her lips and bit the inside of her wrist so hard the blonde clawed Chloe's arm with her other hand to keep from screaming.

"Chloe!" she hissed, trying not to wince. Chloe only shook her head no and bit harder, her blue eyes imploring and heady.

"If I get tetanus you will have to fix me up, Chloe Beale," Aubrey snapped, trying to yank her hand away, but Chloe held on to it steadily.

"Babe, I swear, if you take this away from me I will slip my fingers down to my underwear for the whole stadium to see." Chloe's voice was husky, making Aubrey shiver, and she willingly thrust her wrist back to Chloe because she wouldn't put it past the redhead to do what she just said.

_When I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me by my walk  
You're gonna miss me by my talk, oh  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone._

The stage erupted with lights and colorful fireworks, signaling the end of the show, and everyone gave Beca a standing ovation, cheering themselves hoarse. Chloe finally let go of Aubrey's hand and pulled her girlfriend up, clapping wildly as if nothing happened.

"Good night, Los Angeles!" Beca yelled, waving as she stepped on some contraption that lowered on the ground, taking her backstage.

"WHOOO, BECA! MY SOUL IS YOURS FOREVER!"

"Chloe!" Aubrey scolded, trying not to falter under the amused glances of Jay-Z and Beyonce, who were sitting behind them._  
_

"WE LOVE YOU BECA! SIGN MY BOOB!"

_"CHLOE!"_

* * *

Beca tried to look over the heads of the people backstage swarming to congratulate her. She let out a sigh of relief when she finally spotted her manager, Diane. Diane was efficient as fuck, with her ramrod posture and calculating expression – she should be, because Aubrey chose her in the first place – but now she looked an equal mix of exhilarated and, strangely, embarrassed.

"Hey!" Beca slipped through the throng of admirers and caught up with Diane. "Diane!"

Diane turned around and gave her a hug. "Congratulations! I hope this makes you listen to me more in the future."

Beca grinned. "Thanks. And you definitely get last say from now on. Have you seen my ladies?"

Diane reddened. "Uh, that."

"What?"

Diane lowered her voice and looked anywhere but at Beca. "They said they'll be waiting in the limo."

Beca frowned at Diane's scarlet face. "Why are you blushing?"

"Uh, Ms. Beale may have said something about, uh, giving you thirty minutes to say your goodbyes and stuff, or else they're going to, uh, start without you. Please don't ask."

"_Diane. _Start what?"

If anything, Diane went a deeper shade of red. "Clam jousting."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm quoting Ms. Beale verbatim," Diane whispered, suddenly finding her wristwatch interesting. "She said she'd make my boobs concave if I don't. I, uh, I can make excuses for you. I think you should get there. The last time I looked Ms. Beale was, umm, humping Ms. Posen's knee."

Beca didn't know whether to laugh or sympathize with her manager's discomfiture. "Did Ms. Posen seem like a willing participant?"

"_Beca_."

Beca snickered and gave her a pat on the back. "Thanks again, D. I'll let you know how the carpet munching goes!"

Diane only gagged in response.


	3. Aubrey: Equus

**No use denying it. Bechloe started my Fanfiction career, but Aubrey is officially my favorite.**

* * *

Chloe pranced to the living room, looking triumphant and pleased with herself.

"Sunshine, we love you, but you're blocking the telly," Beca intoned from the couch.

But Chloe turned the TV off instead, cutting off whatever remarks Beca had in mind with a knowing smirk. Aubrey, already falling asleep with her head on Beca's lap, opened her eyes. "What's going on?"

"Lady and equally-hot lady," Chloe announced, drawing herself up to her full height and gesturing at Beca and Aubrey in turn, "I HAVE TICKETS TO EQUUS!"

Aubrey leapt up with a squeal and hugged Chloe. The two screeched like The Beatles just landed, then jumped up and down, then shook each other's shoulders, then screamed shrilly again. Beca watched the odd scene, half-baffled, half-amused.

"Oh my god, Chlo, the one starring Daniel Radcliffe?!" Aubrey asked breathlessly.

"YES!"

"Aca-awesome! When?"

"Two months from now! We can still book cheap flights to Broadway!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

Beca raised her eyebrow. Aubrey only swore in two situations: when she was angry, and when she was thinking/having sex. Since the blonde seemed jubilant, Beca had a pretty good guess.

Her musings were quickly confirmed by Chloe's next statement.

"Bree, do you think Daniel Radcliffe would be naked?!"

Aubrey's eyes went wide. "Babe, get out of my brain!"

At that, Beca couldn't contain herself any longer. "Hate to interrupt the panty-wetting session, but what the hell is Equus?"

Chloe's jaw dropped open. "Beca – have you been living under a rock?"

Aubrey rolled her eyes. "_Seriously,_ Beca? Equus is a play about a man who has a religious, insane fascination with horses."

Beca snorted. "Wow. I'm shitting myself in excitement."

"Aww, Bree, you can't be the advertiser in our bunch," Chloe consoled Aubrey, who shot Beca an icy glare. "Equus talks about the line between love and madness, religious adoration and sexual attraction, passion and dissatisfaction –"

"And someone has been reading too much romantic novels," Aubrey huffed, albeit fondly, as she pulled Chloe closer and kissed her lightly. She then turned to Beca. "You want a tagline, Smurf? 'A grown-ass naked guy rides horses joyfully through the plains.' That's Equus."

No sooner had the blonde said it, though, when she abruptly fell silent and turned red. Chloe, being the most sensitive of the three of them, immediately noticed. "Bree, you okay?"

Aubrey nodded, not trusting herself to speak and avoiding her girlfriends' looks. There was a short, awkward silence, where Chloe tried to figure out whether she said something wrong, while Beca narrowed her eyes at the insanely bright red flush on Aubrey's cheeks.

And then Aubrey's green eyes flickered quickly to Chloe's – and in turn, Beca's – legs. The blonde then lowered her gaze, swallowing nervously. It was a dead giveaway.

"HA!" Beca suddenly bellowed, jumping up to stand on the couch and pointing an accusing finger at Aubrey. "YOU JUST IMAGINED ME AND CHLOE RIDING HORSES NAKED!"

Aubrey's mouth was set in a thin line, a sure sign she was under duress. "What?! NO!"

And thus started a staring contest where Aubrey glowered fiercely at Beca, Beca looked back at Aubrey with a shit-eating grin, and Chloe, in the middle of them, looked back and forth across the two, unsure of what was happening.

"Uh, guys?"

"Lesbihonest!" Beca roared, trying to hold back her laughter.

"What makes you so sure I wasn't thinking of a naked guy instead?" Aubrey shot back.

"Because we all dig fur burgers –" Aubrey dry-heaved at that and Chloe immediately began rubbing her back – "it's breasties before testes, and if you say you're thinking of a naked guy ever again I will dig a hole and live there seething in jealousy."

Chloe, who was acquiring more and more of Beca's snark the longer they lived together, joined the teasing. "Ooh, I bet we'd look _smashing_ riding horses, baby bear," she grinned at Beca, before turning to Aubrey. "Right, Bree?"

Aubrey tried to do her best poker face in response.

"The sun on our skin, wind in our hair..." Chloe said dreamily, tucking a strand of hair behind the frozen blonde's ear. "Our laughter in rhythm with our horses' hoof beats..."

"Our lady bits bouncing, your toner bulging..." Beca added before keeling over, guffawing heartily.

"You are such a _guy_!" Chloe scolded her, although with a smile to soften the effect. She looked back at Aubrey. "So – Beca and I riding horses. What a gorgeous sight, yes?"

The blonde only rolled her eyes. Her two girlfriends always found strange joy in breaking down what they dubbed as her 'prude' nature. Aubrey often let them have their fun, although she would never admit how much she enjoyed herself too, but there was no way she was allowing them to discover one of her sexual fantasies or she'll never hear the end of it –

"You don't think it's gorgeous?" Chloe whined, pouting her lips – her best weapon – while Beca winked smugly at Aubrey. The pout did the trick, as always. Aubrey finally caved in and threw her hands up.

"Fine, it is," she admitted, in a very small voice.

Chloe broke out her signature happy-bouncy dance and peppered kisses on Aubrey's still-crimson face. Beca, however, began half-singing, half-crowing _London Bridge is Falling Down_ at the top of her lungs, obnoxiously replacing the lyrics.

_Aubrey Posen's going down, going down, going down_

_Aubrey Posen's going down on my fur burger!_

"Gross!" Chloe shrieked, chucking a pillow at Beca.

"Damn you, Mitchell!" Aubrey snapped, cringing. "I can never look at burgers the same way again."

* * *

A month later, on Aubrey's birthday, they all went down to the nearest beach with the Bellas and some Trebles. How they managed to get the spot all to themselves Aubrey had no idea. Lights, tents and a grilling station were quickly set up, and the table in the lone cottage by the sea filled with drinks and freshly-cooked seafood. Everyone was having a good time.

In the middle of the party, though, Aubrey noticed that Chloe and Beca were nowhere to be seen.

"Have you seen Beca and Chloe?" Aubrey asked Fat Amy, who was trying to push another drink in her hand.

The Australian went pink. "Uhh...ahhm...they uh, went to get some, you know, entertainment?"

Stacie overheard the exchange and stepped closer, slinging an arm around Aubrey's shoulder. "They went to Jesse's pickup to get more beer."

"What?! It's six-thirty in the evening! Some mad axe-man might be prowling about –"

"You said it yourself, Captain, it's six-thirty," Stacie assured, smoothly replacing the blonde's empty cup with one full of rum and coke. "Too early for horror movies, don't you think?"

"Stace!" Ashley yelled, waving from the shore where she stood. "It's time!"

And just like that, Stacie grabbed Aubrey to keep her still, while Lilly appeared out of nowhere and tied a bandanna around the blonde's eyes. "Aca-bitches, what the –"

"No guys allowed, excuse us!" Aubrey heard Jessica shout, before she was suddenly lifted off her feet by Fat Amy and slung over the Australian's shoulder. Fat Amy then began running to god knows where.

"Jesus, Fat Amy, if you throw me into the water I swear –"

Fat Amy set her down gently, and Aubrey felt wet sand beneath her flip flops. Cynthia Rose yanked off the bandanna. "Thank us later, Blondie."

Aubrey looked around, confused. The hoof beats reached her ears first before she saw what she was supposed to be thankful for. A few hundred meters away, galloping towards her, were two horses – one chestnut, one white. But what really made the sight breathtaking were the riders: Beca and Chloe, wearing identical red bikinis and beaming happily, the sunset casting a golden glow on their skin and long shadows behind them.

And damn it if it wasn't the most magnificent thing Aubrey has ever seen.

"Holy...fucking...aca-gods."

It was almost the way Chloe described it: the wind whipping back Beca and Chloe's luxurious hair, their laughter ringing in sync with the horses' trotting. But this was happening in real time, a hundred times better than Aubrey's already-hyperactive imagination, and the only thing that came to her already-blanked-out mind was _oh my god, those lady bits DO bounce._

Stacie nudged Aubrey's slack jaw shut. "Take a vid, it'll last longer."

"Shit, I...I think I need water," Aubrey managed to gasp.

The brunette and the redhead finally came to a stop right in front of Aubrey, and Chloe eagerly leapt off her horse amidst much clapping and whistling from the Bellas. She ran to give her blonde girlfriend a hug. "Happy birthday Bree!"

Beca followed the redhead, laughing at the jokes and compliments while accepting fist bumps from Cynthia Rose and Denise. The DJ watched them go back to the party so that they can have some privacy. Then, when she was pretty sure they were alone, she walked up to Aubrey and Chloe and joined the hug, noting the blonde's flushed countenance and heavy breathing.

"Sorry we couldn't do that naked," Beca smirked, drawing patterns on the overheated skin on Aubrey's back, right beneath the hem of her tank top. Aubrey closed her eyes and bit her lip.

"Though judging by the way you look right now, I doubt we'll be clothed much longer," Chloe whispered seductively in Aubrey's ear. The blonde made a sound halfway between a moan and a whimper and tried her best not to let her hands roam down her girlfriends' bare backs.

"Shit, Chlo, I think we broke Aubrey!" Beca laughed, disentangling herself from the embrace and cupping Aubrey's face with her hands.

Chloe discreetly slid a hand down Aubrey's cutoff denims, and Aubrey gasped, reaching out for Beca to stop her knees from buckling. "Mmm, Becs, I think I know just how to fix her."

Aubrey finally opened her eyes, and their normally-green hue was reduced to black with desire. When she spoke her voice was several octaves lower. "How fast can we get out of here?"


End file.
